What if I’m a major league cuckoo clock?
I have some stuff going on that I probably need to go to a doctor for. However, based on my past experiences and statistics (this is mathematically sound, people!) there are two outcomes. First: the doctor is horrible. Second: there’s nothing wrong. And sometimes both outcomes put together.
I’ve gotten to the point that most of the time I don’t bother mentioning things to my PCP, he’s solely a family doctor and sure, he could probably point me in the right direction, but I just don’t bother based on the mathematically correct outcomes. Unless my arm falls off, I don’t talk. Also, did I mention I suck at math?
So, I’ve had IBS since I was 11 and to do more math, that means I’ve had it for 32 years. I don’t even know what’s normal anymore. I’ve seen many doctors of different specialties, have had a bajillion tests done (ha! WordPress says bajillion is actually a word! *ahem* sorry) and have gotten ZERO answers. Every single time it’s “you just have really bad IBS” and maybe I do. Maybe I need to just accept that and move on. But it’s getting worse. I’ve done allergy testing, food sensitivity testing, elimination diets, essential oils, bio feedback, supplements, probiotics, prebiotics, every kind of fiber out there. Nothing is helping. Right now I’m relying on Tramadol for the pain. I’ve been on multiple medications to try to help calm my gut. Multiple diets and products to calm my gut. MY GUT WILL NOT BE CALMED. It just won’t. Please, no soliciting, honestly it’s been over 30 years, I’ve tried everything. And YES, I’ve tried CBD oil.
But again, it’s getting worse. However, I really have no desire to find another gastroenterologist whatsoever. My last one was terrible. I swear all the doctors I’ve seen (except my recent switch to a completely different hospital association) went to the same school of medicine. The ones that teach that doctors are superior in all ways and patients are idiots. Seriously, it’s like they handed out a script in school and had all the students memorize it. I could go on. I’ve seen so many horrible doctors. One even told me point blank that nothing was wrong with me and she wanted me to have a psychiatric evaluation. My hubby had a few choice words for her.
So then, my brain is like, well, maybe nothing IS wrong with you. Maybe you’re just a major league cuckoo clock. What if I am? Deep inside of me, though, I know there is something wrong. My symptoms (which I will spare you the details, seriously, thank me) are really abnormal but it’s been going on for so long that I think a new doctor would wonder why I waited so long to be seen if I’ve been having such terrible problems. And it’s definitely NOT all in my head.
Yes, I have anxiety.
I guess unless something super drastic happens I’m just going to live with it. I have a Neurology appointment in August with a new doctor and that’s about all my anxiety can handle for now. At least I was diagnosed with migraines so I’m legit there. <sarcasm>Because you know, IBS isn’t a REAL disease. </sarcasm>
I just need treatment that works. STORY. OF. MY. LIFE.